Hello My Fellow Blog Lovers & Followers!
First week of February and we are finally getting some winter weather of sorts anyways. But, I gotta say I am holding onto Wiarton Willie’s prediction and hoping for an early Spring. There I go again, holding onto something or someone far past when I should; I have difficulty letting go – There I said it!
Not being able to let go has always been a vice of mine that I just can’t seem to break. Maybe it’s because I am a Cancer and part of personality traits are and I quote:
“she likes to hold on to things that make her happy and won’t easily change her house, partner or a circle of friends. She can be irrational, oversensitive and too quiet, and the best way to approach her is to see her emotional side as her biggest virtue.”
Guilty on all counts! But, the one aspect that truly has been sticking out for me lately is my undying need to never let go even if it is in my best interest to do so. Am I just stubborn? Or am I just so damn determined that I can take care of or fix anything or anyone that I have dedicated my time and attention too, that I hang on for dear life no matter how crazy and dangerous of a ride it is for me and my emotional well being?
The most likely culprit I believe is that nagging voice, you know that one that seems to quiet down, be hiding in the shadows just waiting for its moment to strike and then BAM out of nowhere – You make a misstep or make a mistake, fall flat on your face and there she is loud and clear bellowing in your ear – ” Hey loser why do you even try, you know you aren’t good enough” Yeah…that one…
My god she is such a freaking BIOTCH! Maybe I am trying to prove her wrong – Prove to her if she is wrong about me then she must be wrong about that person or situation right?
What I do know, I need to believe and trust in my instincts more. That is the voice I need to be listening to with abandon! She is the no filter, no BS voice that will never lie, manipulate or hood wink me into believing or thinking any lies or half truths about me and my abilities, and yet she is the one I generally tell to sit down and be quiet as the adults are talking – You know the adults – My insecurities and misconceptions, those mean girls…
I guess what I am trying to say – On some level we never truly lose our insecurities completely. We remain those scared, fragile and vulnerable little people who never know if they can or should try something new or be brave enough to go after it and do it anyways damn the consequence. I have made peace with that I guess. But, maybe just maybe she needs to have that big sister, that big protector that tells her like it is, picks her up when she falls, strokes her hair and tells her it is going to be OK, to believe in her abilities and her strengths.
That big sister sure as hell needs to come to more parties, dance with abandon and drink like a MOFO. THAT big sis is in fact Twins – Intuition and Belief. Intuition to know when something is good for you and Belief in your own abilities to make the right choice and have the strength to walk away and let that person or situation go when it or they are no longer serving you. GAWD, these chicks are a rad pair to have my friend, and are fucking AMAZING family to surround yourself with. I can’t wait for the next family reunion! 🙂
Thank you all once again for coming along on this blog journey with me peeps. Your support and taking the time to read my ramblings every week does not go unnoticed or unappreciated. But, before we go I would love to know, what is one habit or vice that you have a hard time letting go of even if you know it is in your best interest that you do?
I can’t wait to hear your answers!
Until we meet again,
Love & Light I send to you always,